Circle of Men.

                           "Live wild, Dream hard, Love big!"... Washuntara

                        

 

Brothers and Sisters,  " I have been fasting and questing for vision in the wilderness. Under the watchful eye of grandmother earth and grandfather sky a "right of passage" into eldership has passed through me. Be authentic! this is what is expected of an elder. Thanks to all who helped me get this far, you know who you are. If I have harmed or hurt you in any way, (and I know I have) please forgive me. If you have ever thought you caused me to suffer (and I know I have) you are forgiven.     " Helping to create passionate, powerful, and authentic lives--that work.       Washuntara, William, Hice, Andre , Kurzon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                              " In the garment I will meet my maker.

AN UPDATE

 Michael and I sit ensconced in a Cleveland deli with coffee and cool fizzy water, in the mood for a good house keeping session; To contemplate (a lovely word, con means with, template, a model) where we’ve been, where we are and where we are going with the Circle of men. Lets begin with where we’ve been. We admit to deciding on the formation of the COM pretty much the moment the idea struck us. After attending another gathering of men we simultaneously decided there was a real need for action, and that more meetings, policies and good intentions were not helping quell or relieve the quiet desperation apparent all around us. That was Monday, Tuesday we walked into Wellington Park Aged care presenting them with a proposition. We offered to spend quality time (I call it male-mothering) with their male residents and that we’d work out the details en on.

From the get-go the group went beautifully. The men soon dropped their emotional posturing and we found ourselves in a warm and generous environment. The blokes accepted us whole-heartedly!

They seemed to revel in the simple act of closing the door and having a private men’s space, a space where they felt safe, safe to express whatever they felt without fear of being thought of as a troublemaker or a winger, free from the fear of reprisals. We just turn up; we are not really about doing stuff as much as simply being present. We do go on outings and we do sing songs. We do supply human touch, humour and an outlet for those hard emotions like anger, frustration and grief. Hopefully we supply a soul bridge, a connection to a land most male residents in these facilities have long ago forfeited. In that land you have a name, so does your wife, kids, and family, you come from somewhere and have hopes, you know where you are, north, south, east and west, matter. You know your friends and their troubles as they know yours. In this land the men that care for you are not carers as much as friends. In this village, men find a respite from the rigours of the pain and suffering associated with getting sick, old and tired. In short our circle protects its men, there’s dignity, nurturing and most important of all, love. (Im working up the courage to ask a total stranger to wipe my backside, just to see how it feels to be totally at the mercy of others as these men are). These elders (as opposed to elderly) have taught me how to be grateful, that life is bloody messy and to, ”just get on with it”

                                     Mike Tarlo and Washuntara, brothers in arms.

Given the nature of the work we understand how difficult it is to find other men in our community to “give a hand”. We manage to cope, but the burn out factor is never to far off. Ask us if were disappointed with how little help we get and well just shake our heads. Last month we had a four-page article in the local seniors magazine, including the entire front cover, as a net result we had no enquiries, that’s amazing! Could it be that we in the Redlands, who are apparently living in a retirement Nirvana, don’t want to look at the eventuality of our lives?

 Washuntara (me) Orland Jennings and Chris Seiter started the COM in Nashville USA in 1991. Never have we had a problem getting men involved, theres a difference between talking about changing the lot of men and putting your back into it. Thousands of men have turned up over the years to help us do just that. What’s the deal with Aussie males, could it be were were so  indebted to banks and appearances that we’ve forgotten why we came. Systematically ignoring the needs of our elders does not read well for us as males, a ”MAN” would not. There are some older cultures that consider getting old is not a disease, not something to be hidden or fixed. That dementia, memory loss and the other sins from the river of time are in fact a right of passage, a season where the spirit prepares the person for what’s next. Because these elders already have a part of themselves through the veil of life, they are greatly respected and honoured. They are easily as precious as our children. Consider this, and then think about how we struggle to find a way to DEAL with our ageing fellow humans.

Further more, the dear old men in aged care facilities are in the absolute minority. To the tune of nine to one, they go about in this dynamic matriarchy (There are few to no men working on the floor of these facilities). The care providers for some mysterious reason have desperately limited resources and time; naturally they look after the bulk of their residents (the women) first. Activities, outings, and physical needs for the women are in place. It has to be this way. If the balance was different it may or may not change, men are trouble for a number of reasons, sexuality, anger management, male posturing etc, As one owner candidly said to us last week, he’d sooner not have men at all!

                                

Weve lost a lot of good friends these past few years, held the hands of men as they’ve passed, and gone to funerals a plenty. The dead have been mourned for and we have grieved their loss as

a group. Their transition has been acknowledged and talked about, their lives and contributions celebrated. This as opposedto another empty room as you shuffle down the hallway, wondering who it was and will it be your turn next. Death and life with dignity, its only fair!

 As much as we’ve given to this adventure since its inception three years ago, both Mike and I have been blessed by it time and again. Our skills in the area off men in aged care have changed. We now know that all and any plans must be prepared to be jettisoned at a moments notice. Turn up and be as compassionate as possible at all times.

The Circle of men has grown and currently our out-reach program supplies services to five care facilities. (COM is a group that works with men in the community at large; our members are required to work in our aged care out reach programs). We have eight men in the field, a place to call home at RDCOTA who are acting as a parent body, and a rising profile in the community and aged care in the Redlands in general.

We need more men now to do the work, it’s that simple.

                       

       If your not helping, help someone who is..

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